ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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