I wanna bring you to show and tell
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When did angry sex become our thing?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
