I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
