Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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