Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
