She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No subtext here. People are naked.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
