My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize