You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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