I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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