ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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