Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
if only i could text you this smell
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
