ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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