I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
