in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
