Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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