if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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