when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
