I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize