He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
These tits shall not be calmed
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
