Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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