it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
