I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
