So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
