I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
