I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
