I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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