what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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