Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This is not my ceiling
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
