Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
