is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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