I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
