finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
