Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
