I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
