I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i think my cat just said my name.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
