dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
