I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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