so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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