His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
