Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize