I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize