plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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