We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize