i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We need to rekindle our bromance
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
