I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
