There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
