The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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