i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
