im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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