I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
