if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Randomize
