Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
