I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize