I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
