I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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