She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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