Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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