im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Acid is not a monday night drug
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
