Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.

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(310): View more from California

it's too hot outside to masturbate.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?

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(216): View more from Ohio

Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.

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(740): View more from Ohio

When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless

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