he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
