I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just blew my weed a kiss
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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