he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
