sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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