Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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