So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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