Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
