I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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