It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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