I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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