I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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