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• (650): View more from California

  My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick

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• (352): View more from Florida

  I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"

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  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.

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• (818): View more from California

  Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4

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  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh

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• (727): View more from Florida

  We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is

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