dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.