My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"