Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
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he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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