My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
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I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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