Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!