if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
