What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
NoShamevember. You game?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
