well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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