I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
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I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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