Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
