It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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